Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
