the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
