waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize