im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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