my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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