sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
