you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
