Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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