Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You are the jesus of drinking
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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