so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
