my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
