the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
