if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
