I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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