maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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