What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
