ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
