If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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