she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
