Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
