Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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