so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
As shirtless as possible
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
