You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
