I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize