at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize