And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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