My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
