he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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