turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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