just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
