4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
wrigley field is MILF paradise
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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