You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
