He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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