There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
