i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
