I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
