I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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