Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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