you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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