it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Every concussion has its silver lining
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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