maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
