I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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