I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Just cropdusted the office
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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