she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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