did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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