Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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