it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
