First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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