im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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