just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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