By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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