My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Im part way to drunk.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
