So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
