grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
