he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
