I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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