I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
