If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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