Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize