Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
