Me. At least after what I've been through.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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