Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
