I wanna bring you to show and tell
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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