this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Randomize
