I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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