I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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