HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
