It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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