update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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