I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
