dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
