what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
