Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
